Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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