17 year olds will be the death of me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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