we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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