So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
