Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
