we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
