he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
