I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
