Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
