I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
