She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
