You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
