can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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