If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
