Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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