You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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