is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
