please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
