remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
