You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
