i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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