She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
