with your own penis?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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