Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
