She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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