I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
