i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i believe in u and ur pee
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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