The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
