It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
