I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
