Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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