i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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