My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
