So drunk its hurt
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
