The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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