i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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