Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
