I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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