I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
