At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
