It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
