maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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