I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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