I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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