peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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