I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
