if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
