Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
