just tell him i said nine months
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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