If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
