Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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